Tom Stoppard Plays 3 Read online

  TOM STOPPARD

  Plays Three

  A Separate Peace

  Teeth

  Another Moon Called Earth

  Neutral Ground

  Professional Foul

  Squaring the Circle

  Introduced by the author

  CONTENTS

  Title Page

  Introduction

  A Separate Peace

  Characters

  First Performance

  Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Scene 5

  Scene 6

  Scene 7

  Scene 8

  Scene 9

  Scene 10

  Scene 11

  Scene 12

  Scene 13

  Scene 14

  Scene 15

  Scene 16

  Scene 17

  Scene 18

  Scene 19

  Teeth

  Characters

  First Performance

  Teeth

  Another Moon Called Earth

  Characters

  First Performance

  1

  2

  3

  4

  5

  6

  7

  8

  9

  10

  11

  12

  13

  14

  15

  Neutral Ground

  Characters

  First Performance

  1

  2

  3

  4

  5

  6

  7

  8

  9

  10

  11

  12

  13

  14

  15

  16

  17

  18

  19

  20

  21

  22

  23

  24

  25

  26

  27

  28

  29

  30

  31

  32

  33

  34

  35

  36

  37

  38

  39

  40

  41

  42

  43

  44

  45

  46

  47

  48

  49

  50

  51

  52

  53

  54

  55

  56

  57

  58

  59

  60

  61

  62

  63

  64

  65

  66

  67

  68

  69

  70

  71

  72

  73

  74

  75

  76

  77

  78

  79

  80

  81

  82

  83

  84

  85

  86

  87

  88

  89

  90

  91

  92

  93

  Professional Foul

  Dedication

  Characters

  First Performance

  1

  2

  3

  4

  5

  6

  7

  8

  9

  10

  11

  12

  13

  14

  15

  16

  Squaring the Circle

  Characters

  First Performance

  1: The First Secretary

  1

  2

  3

  4

  5

  6

  7

  8

  9

  10

  11

  12

  13

  14

  15

  16

  17

  18

  19

  20

  21

  22

  23

  24

  25

  26

  27

  28

  29

  2: Solidarity

  30

  31

  32

  33

  34

  35

  36

  37

  38

  39

  40

  41

  42

  43

  44

  45

  46

  47

  48

  49

  50

  51

  52

  53

  54

  55

  56

  57

  58

  59

  60

  61

  62

  63

  64

  3: Congress

  65

  66

  67

  68

  69

  70

  71

  72

  73

  74

  75

  76

  77

  78

  79

  80

  81

  82

  83

  84

  85

  86

  87

  88

  89

  90

  91

  92

  93

  94

  95

  96

  97

  4: The General

  98

  99

  100

  101

  102

  103

  104

  105

  106

  107

  108

  109

  110

  111

  112

  113

  114

  115

  116

  117

  118

  119

  120

  121

  122

  About the Author

  By the Same Author

  Copyright

  INTRODUCTION

  These six plays for television span nearly twenty years, but not evenly. The first four were written close together (1965–7); Professional Foul followed after a ten-year gap, and Squaring the Circle seven years after that. My case history as a writer for television understates my interest in plays on screen but is fair comment otherwise. I wanted to be in the theatre. The first play I wrote, in 1960, was meant for the stage, and the next plays, for radio and TV, were – I hoped – stepping stones towards getting a play on the boards. 1967, the beginning of the ten-year gap, was the year of my first professional stage production in England.

  This is not a philosophical claim for the value of one medium over another. It is simply the way I felt, and there were many like me in those early Osborne, Wesker and Pinter years, when bliss was it to be performed but to be staged was very heaven.

  A Separate Peace was one half of an hour-long programme consisting of a documentary and a play which were supposed to illuminate each other. The documentary (which I made with Christopher Martin) was about chess. I now doubt that chess and the desire to escape from the world are good metaphors for each other.

  Teeth, a Roald Dahl-type story (as I hoped), I take this opportunity to dedicate to my much more recent and much nicer dentist. Another Moon Call
ed Earth contributed a good deal to Jumpers: a woman who won’t get out of bed, a husband working in the next room, a death, a visiting detective. Penelope in this play pushes someone out of the window and I began Jumpers thinking that Dottie was going to be the murderer of McFee.

  Neutral Ground is based on Philoctetes by Sophocles. It was written for a proposed Granda TV series based on myths and legends. The series never happened but three years later the play was taken off the shelf and transmitted on its own, the only vestige of its original inspiration being the hero’s egregious name of Philo.

  Leaving aside weightier matters, Professional Foul serves as a good example of the concealed difficulty in the most-asked question: ‘How long does it take to write?’ When does one start counting? I had promised to deliver a play by the last day of 1976 to mark Amnesty International’s Prisoner of Conscience Year (1977). On that day, after months of trying, I had nothing to show, nothing begun and nothing in mind. A visit to the USSR (not Czechoslovakia) finally produced a ghost of a plot, and after that the play was written in two or three weeks, including turning a ballroom dancing team into the England Football squad.

  By comparison, the writing, rewriting, production and post-production troubles of Squaring the Circle were an endless saga (described in the Introduction to the play’s first publication). Whether it is a play at all, rather than a drama-documentary, is a question, through perhaps not a vital one.

  T.S. 1993

  A SEPARATE PEACE

  CHARACTERS

  JOHN BROWN

  NURSE

  DOCTOR

  NURSE MAGGIE COATES

  MATRON

  NURSE JONES

  A Separate Peace was first transmitted in August 1966 by the BBC. The cast included:

  JOHN BROWN Peter Jeffrey

  NURSE MAGGIE COATES Hannah Gordon

  DOCTOR Ronald Hines

  PRODUCER Ronald Mason

  DIRECTOR Alan Gibson

  SCENE 1

  The office of the Beechwood Nursing Home. Behind the reception counter sits a uniformed nurse. It is 2.30 a.m. A car pulls up outside. JOHN BROWN enters. He is a biggish man, with a well-lined face: calm, pleasant. He is wearing a nondescript suit and overcoat, and carrying two zipped travelling bags. Looking around, he notes the neatness, the quiet, the flowers, the nice nurse, and is quietly pleased.

  BROWN: Very nice.

  NURSE: Good evening …

  BROWN: ’Evening. A lovely night. Morning.

  NURSE: Yes … Mr …?

  BROWN: I’m sorry to be so late.

  NURSE: (Shuffling papers) Were you expected earlier?

  BROWN: No. I telephoned.

  NURSE: Yes?

  BROWN: Yes, You have a room for Mr Brown.

  NURSE: Oh! – Have you brought him?

  BROWN: I brought myself. Got a taxi by the station. I telephoned from there.

  NURSE: You said it was an emergency.

  BROWN: That’s right. Do you know what time it is?

  NURSE: It’s half-past two.

  BROWN: That’s right. An emergency.

  NURSE: (Aggrieved) I woke the house doctor.

  BROWN: A kind thought. But it’s all right. Do you want me to sign in?

  NURSE: What is the nature of your emergency, Mr Brown?

  BROWN: I need a place to stay.

  NURSE: Are you ill?

  BROWN: No.

  NURSE: But this is a private hospital …

  (BROWN smiles for the first time.)

  BROWN: The best kind. What is a hospital without privacy? It’s the privacy I’m after – that and the clean linen … (A thought strikes him.) I’ve got money.

  NURSE: … the Beechwood Nursing Home.

  BROWN: I require nursing. I need to be nursed for a bit. Yes. Where do I sign?

  NURSE: I’m sorry, but admissions have to be arranged in advance except in the case of a genuine emergency – I have no authority –

  BROWN: What do you want with authority? A nice person like you.

  (Moves.) Where have you put me?

  NURSE: (Moves with him) And you have no authority –

  BROWN: (Halts) That’s true. That’s one thing I’ve never had.

  (He looks at her flatly.) I’ve come a long way.

  NURSE: (Wary) Would you wait for just one moment?

  BROWN: (Relaxes) Certainly. Have you got a sign-in book? Must abide by the regulations. Should I pay in advance?

  NURSE: No, that’s quite all right.

  BROWN: I’ve got it – I’ve got it all in here –

  (He starts trying to open one of the zipped cases, it jams and he hurts his finger. He recoils sharply and puts his finger in his mouth. The DOCTOR arrives, dishevelled from being roused.)

  NURSE: Doctor – this is Mr Brown.

  DOCTOR: Good evening. What seems to be the trouble?

  BROWN: Caught my finger.

  DOCTOR: May I see?

  (BROWN holds out his finger. The DOCTOR studies it, looks up.)

  (Guardedly.) Have you come far?

  BROWN: Yes. I’ve been travelling all day.

  (The DOCTOR glances at the NURSE.)

  Not with my finger. I did that just now. Zip stuck.

  DOCTOR: Oh. And what – er –

  NURSE: Mr Brown says there’s nothing wrong with him.

  BROWN: That’s right – I –

  NURSE: He just wants a bed.

  BROWN: A room.

  DOCTOR: But this isn’t a hotel.

  BROWN: Exactly.

  DOCTOR: Exactly what?

  BROWN: I don’t follow you.

  DOCTOR: Perhaps I’m confused. You see, I was asleep.

  BROWN: It’s all right. I understand. Well, if someone would show me to my room, I shan’t disturb you any further.

  DOCTOR: (With a glance at the NURSE) I don’t believe we have any rooms free at the moment.

  BROWN: Oh yes, this young lady arranged it.

  NURSE: He telephoned from the station. He said it was an emergency.

  DOCTOR: But you’ve come to the wrong place.

  NURSE: No, this is the place all right. What’s the matter?

  DOCTOR: (Pause) Nothing – nothing’s the matter. (He nods at the NURSE.) All right.

  NURSE: Yes, doctor. (Murmurs worriedly.) I’ll have to make an entry.

  DOCTOR: Observation.

  BROWN: (Cheerfully) I’m not much to look at.

  NURSE: Let me take those for you, Mr Brown [the cases].

  BROWN: No, no, don’t you. (Picks up cases.) There’s nothing the matter with me …

  (BROWN follows the NURSE inside. The DOCTOR watches them go, picks up Brown’s form and reads it. Then he picks up the phone and starts to dial.)

  SCENE 2

  Brown’s private ward. A pleasant ward with a hospital bed and the usual furniture. One wall is almost all window and is curtained. BROWN and NURSE enter. BROWN puts his cases on the bed. He likes the room.

  BROWN: That’s nice. I’ll like it here. (Peering through curtains)

  What’s the view?

  NURSE: Well, it’s the drive and the gardens.

  BROWN: Gardens. A front room. What could be nicer?

  (NURSE starts to open case.)

  NURSE: Are your night things in here?

  BROWN: Yes, I’ll be very happy here.

  (NURSE opens the case, which is full of money – banknotes.)

  NURSE: Oh – I’m sorry –

  (BROWN is not put out at all.)

  BROWN: What time is breakfast?

  NURSE: Eight o’clock.

  BROWN: Lunch?

  NURSE: Twelve o’clock.

  BROWN: Tea?

  NURSE: Three o’clock.

  BROWN: Supper?

  NURSE: Half-past six.

  BROWN: Cocoa?

  NURSE: Nine.

  BROWN: Like clockwork. Lovely.

  (The DOCTOR enters with Brown’s form and an adhesive bandage.)

  DOCTOR: Excuse me.

  BROW
N: I was just saying – everything’s A1.

  DOCTOR: I remembered your finger.

  BROWN: I’d forgotten myself. It’s nothing.

  DOCTOR: Well, we’ll just put this on overnight.

  (He puts on the adhesive strip.)

  I expect Matron will be along to discuss your case with you tomorrow.

  BROWN: My finger?

  DOCTOR: … Well, I expect she’d like to meet you.

  BROWN: Be pleased to meet her.

  SCENE 3

  The hospital office. It is morning and the DOCTOR is at the desk, telephoning.

  DOCTOR: … I have absolutely no idea … The nurse said it looked like rather a lot … His savings, yes. No, I don’t really want the police turning up at the bedside of any patient who doesn’t arrive with a life history … I think we’d get more out of him than you would, given a little time … No, he’s not being difficult at all … You don’t need to worry about that – he seems quite happy …

  SCENE 4

  Brown’s private ward. BROWN is in striped pyjamas, eating off a tray. A second nurse – NURSE COATES (MAGGIE) – is waiting for him to finish so that she can take his tray away. MAGGIE is pretty and warm.

  BROWN: The point is not breakfast in bed, but breakfast in bed without guilt – if you’re not ill. Lunch in bed is more difficult, even for the rich. It’s not any more expensive, but the disapproval is harder to ignore. To stay in bed for tea is almost impossible in decent society, and not to get up at all would probably bring in the authorities. But in a hospital it’s not only understood – it’s expected. That’s the beauty of it. I’m not saying it’s a great discovery – it’s obvious really – but I’d say I’d got something.

  MAGGIE: If you’d got something, there wouldn’t be all this fuss.

  BROWN: Is there a fuss?

  (MAGGIE doesn’t answer.)

  I’m paying my way … Are you pretty full all the time?

  MAGGIE: Not at the moment, not very.

  BROWN: You’d think a place as nice as this would be very popular.

  MAGGIE: Popular?

  BROWN: I thought I might have to wait for a place, you know.

  MAGGIE: Where do you live?

  BROWN: I’ve never lived. Only stayed.

  MAGGIE: You should settle down somewhere.

  BROWN: Yes, I’ve been promising myself this.

  MAGGIE: Have you got a family?

  BROWN: I expect so.

  MAGGIE: Where are they?

  BROWN: I lost touch.

  MAGGIE: You should find them.

  BROWN: (Smiles) Their name’s Brown.

  (The MATRON enters: she is not too old and quite pleasant.)

  MATRON: Good morning.

  BROWN: Good morning to you. You must be Matron.

  MATRON: That’s right.